ACT TEN
Living with Gamblers Anonymous
ELLEN: (Entering the office.) Hi, Doc. Well, it’s been a year yesterday without a bet. I think I have it made.
PSYCHOLOGIST: That’s a nice one-year pin you have there, Ellen. Wear it with pride. Congratulations.
ELLEN: I also think that maybe it’s time to shed my nutty psychologist.
PSYCHOLOGIST: If you had half a brain you might have done that long
ago. I told you it didn’t matter why you became of problem
gambler; but no, you insisted on rambling on about your childhood
session after session.
ELLEN: You never want to talk about what I want to talk about, and
Gamblers Anonymous is stuck in the same old program with the same old
gambling stories. I need a change.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Hasn’t your life changed since you stopped gambling?
ELLEN: Of course! My life is good now. I have time for real fun, my
bills are paid, my family has forgiven me, and I have my self-respect
back. I think I’m cured.
PSYCHOLOGIST: And now you want to get rid of what helped you?
ELLEN: Are you saying that you actually helped me in some way?
PSYCHOLOGIST: No, not really, but each time you came here and each time
you entered a G.A. room you were making a statement to yourself about
your determination to change. Walking through the door is the hardest
and most important step of all in making a recovery. Do you realize how
many people start to call for help or go to a meeting only to balk at
the door and run away?
ELLEN: So, I made it. What more do you want from me? What does G.A. expect now?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Nobody wants anything from you; nobody has any claim on you now.
ELLEN: So, why not start a new life?
PSYCHOLOGIST: What? You want to be born again?
ELLEN: Well, I mean why not start a better life?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Kiddo, it doesn’t get any better. Your bills are
paid, you have a loving family, you have a great job, and you got your
kid back . . . just what is it that you can do better?
ELLEN: G.A. isn’t exciting any more. Psychotherapy used to be fun, but it’s not going anywhere now.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Oh, so it’s really excitement you’re looking for?
ELLEN: A person needs stimulation.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Haven’t you acquired any inner resources? Are you
still so dependent on people and outside forces that you can’t
stand your own company?
ELLEN: You’re twisting my words but no, I need interesting people and interesting things to do.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Have you been a sponsor in Gamblers Anonymous for any of the new members?
ELLEN: No one has asked me.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Have you gone up to anyone and offered your phone number, or said you would be glad to sponsor him or her?
ELLEN: What if they rejected me?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Well, then you’d just have to shoot yourself, eh? Have you chaired a meeting yet?
ELLEN: It’s an old boy thing. Just a few of the people trade off being chairpersons.
PSYCHOLOGIST: So, you’ve offered and been rejected?
ELLEN: No. I guess they’d say alright and let me do it.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Damn it, lady, can’t you put yourself into someone
else’s shoes? Maybe the newcomer is as scared and timid as you
were when you first entered a G.A. room a year ago. Maybe the group
leaders are waiting and hoping others might volunteer to be active and
take responsibility.
ELLEN: Don’t swear at me, that’s abusive.
PSYCHOLOGIST: I’m just trying to get your attention without smacking you around.
ELLEN: Careful, Pops, I’ve had to deal with some pretty aggressive collection agents in my time.
PSYCHOLOGIST: That must have been exciting.
ELLEN: It was. I really have to admit that I miss the tension, the doubt, the pressure of getting out of my gambling scrapes.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Almost as much fun as gambling itself, eh? Wouldn’t
it be interesting if you got on the help phone line and had all those
exciting stories to deal with again?
ELLEN: I admit I have something now that others might want. Do you think I could be a role model?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Of course, just don’t mention that you wasted all this time and money on psychotherapy.
ELLEN: What if I sponsored someone and they went back to gambling or even committed suicide?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Nothing at all. Like me, you would just try to learn what
you could from that case and go on to the next one. Professional ball
players may only hit every third time at the plate, but they are still
great ball players. Only difference is, you wouldn’t get paid a
high salary or have a cheering throng loving you.
ELLEN: There’s so much wrong with Gamblers Anonymous. The damn meetings last far too long.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Some meetings use a timer to limit speakers to five or
ten minutes. Some meetings ask only certain members who need help to
speak. Some meetings permit new members to speak and others tell the
new people to just watch and learn. Have you voiced your concern to the
group?
ELLEN: I’m a non-smoker and they let people smoke throughout the meeting.
PSYCHOLOGIST: There are non-smoking meetings in town
ELLEN: I wish there were an all female meeting. Most of the men played
table games or were sports bettors. Most of our ladies were slot
players. We don’t have a lot in common, the men and the women.
I’ve even walked out when the foul language got started.
PSYCHOLOGIST: There are, in fact, three all women meetings within
driving distance of here. But, you may want to reconsider the mixed
meeting since men and women have a lot to learn from each other. If you
don’t like the way your Gamblers Anonymous group is run, get
active and try to make it better. If you can’t make it better,
find a different group. If you can’t find a different group,
start one of your own.
ELLEN: Some jerk even tried to get a date with me. He said we should
just go for coffee and talk about what we learned at the meeting, and
then he was all over me trying to get me to go home with him.
PSYCHOLOGIST: You should report him to your chairperson and make a
scene. Embarrass the heck of him in front of the group, and make sure
they announce that G.A. is not a place to get a date, buy a car, get a
loan, or find a job. If you don’t like the way your Gamblers
Anonymous group is run, get active and try to make it better. If you
can’t make it better, find a different group. If you can’t
find a different group, start one of your own.
ELLEN: Golly, Doc, I think you’re trying to tell me something.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Duh!
ELLEN: Give me one good reason why I should keep going to G.A. and take on more responsibility.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Love.
ELLEN: I told you, I don’t need dates.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Not sexual love, my dear. Compassion. Service to others
will teach you to forget yourself and learn to love. We love those we
serve well. You seem to have very little love and compassion in your
life. Maybe that’s why it’s so dull. You used to love
gambling. You served it well, but it’s gone.
ELLEN: I never knew that carrying the message was so complicated.
PSYCHOLOGIST: It’s not. Just help and encourage others to do what
you’ve done. If you practice love, devotion to principles, and
service you will be happy.
ELLEN: Oh, yes, happy. I’d like that.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Happiness is what you do and how you do it, not something people hand you.
ELLEN: But now you sound like religion, and I can’t stand all the God talk and the Serenity Prayer.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Sure you can. One of the most important parts of
spirituality for the agnostic or for the religious person is tolerance.
Let people be what they are. If some people want religion in their
daily lives—and Gamblers Anonymous is an important part of daily
life—let people be people. Tolerate their preference, and hope
they can tolerate you choice of beliefs. If you don’t like the
way your Gamblers Anonymous group is run, get active and try to make it
better. If you can’t make it better, find a different group. If
you can’t find a different group, start one of your own.
ELLEN: Same old broken record, eh?
PSYCHOLOGIST: Some desperate gambler, whose life depended on
creating a family of friends to support a decision to abstain, started
most Gamblers Anonymous meetings in this country and in the world. New
meetings are being started all the time by someone who thinks there may
be a better way. The more the better.
ELLEN: I guess that after a year I’m just getting started.
I’ll work on the Gamblers Anonymous part of my life, but I think
maybe I’ll shake your hand, wring you neck, and just forget about
my rotten childhood.
PSYCHOLOGIST: Great ideas, kid. Call me if you need me.